


Seven Years Old

by Minochan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Introspection, Melancholy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 14:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minochan/pseuds/Minochan
Summary: From text:"Who are you?Are you what you would like to be?Who would you like to be?Playing the soldier was nice, but was only a game…The truth is different.The reality is much worse.< We are warriors, Reiner. >Two personalities in a unique person."





	Seven Years Old

“Once I was seven years old my momma told me  
Go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely  
Once I was seven years old.  
   
It was a big big world, but we thought we were bigger  
Pushing each other to the limits, we were learning quicker […]”  
   
[L. Graham – 7 Years]

  
  
   
**[840 – Five years earlier]**  
When you were seven years old you learned that also the adults can cry.  
Sometimes, when it rained at night, you were afraid of thunder… So, in silence and on tiptoe, you went to your mother’s bed.  
You lifted the blankets and you hid yourself under them.  
The mother hugged you and whispered:  << Are you afraid? >> You nodned.  
<< Adults and men don’t cry. You are a little man, therefore you have to be strong. >> After, you fell asleep in your mother’s arms.  
_Adults don’t cry, Reiner._  
Bu then, why?  
Why, that day, your mother was crying next to you?  
She was talking about ‘a marleyan man’, your secret.  
That day, you promised to yourself that you would not tell anyone.  
   
   
**[841 – Four years earlier]**  
The words hurt more than the slaps.  
You know it, your mother had told this to you.  
You remembered that day yet, when you had quarreled and you, angry, had raised your voice up: your mother had knelt herself in front of you and she had said those words with a serious and contrite expression.  
At that age you hadn’t understood immediately what the woman was referring to, neither what prompted her to say those things.  
How simple words can hurt more than a shove, a punch, a kick?  
At the age of eight you were confined to trusting her.  
   
   
**[843 – Two years earlier]**  
You hated Poruk Galliard.  
Rather, you knew you hated each other.  
But you didn’t know why…  
That day you learned that your mother was right.  
That day, you quarrelled: Poruk had begun, he had provoked you, and you only defendend yourself.  
But it was not enough… Poruk had pushed you and you were fallen on the ground.  
But the days later were not cuts on your elbows and arms to hurt, but the memory of the words that you had listened: _“You’re the worst one here… If one of us gonna be left over, then It will be you for sure.”_. And more, _“You can’t go a day without sucking up to the captain.”_ , _“Have fun waiting thirteen years on your own back here!”_.  
But you could not afford to fail.  
You had silently promised to your mother to pass the exam and become a marleyan.  
You wanted to make her proud of you. You wanted to live with your dad.  
   
   
**[844 – One year earlier]**  
You could not believe it.  
You had succeeded to become an honorary marleyan.  
At the end, you had beaten your rival: when you saw the sad expression on Poruk’s face you feeled a little glad.  
In that way, nobody could prevent to you and your mother to live with your father…  
At least, you believed so.  
What did you expect when you had met your father, that day?  
Maybe, some congratulations, an hug… But you were wrong.  
You hadn’t had time to end your little speech: that man had yelled at you cruel words and you had found yourself out of the room in a few seconds.  
You had tried to reunite your family but you had found only a close door: your father had no intention to live with you, he had already a family.  
   
   
**[845 – That year]**  
_“I want to protect my brother. I’m sorry, Reiner.”_  
_“Why… Are you apologizing?”_  
   
The world collapsed on you in a few seconds.  
That titan had eaten Marcel just under your eyes.  
Your friend had saved you from the hold of that hand…  
_“I should have died in his place.”_ You whispered running away, without a destination.  
You didn’t know why you had started to run… Your brain had sent the command to your legs and you couldn’t stop.  
_“I want to be dead in his place.”_ You thought falling on the grass, near a three.  
You were scared, you could not stop tremble.  
A kick took you to reality.  
You looked at your two friends: If they hated you, you could understand them.  
You hated yourself. You didn’t want to be Reiner anymore.  
_“…I will become your Marcel.”_  
In that moment, something in you brokes into _two_ parts.  
   
   
**[850 – Before Shiganshina conflict]**  
Who are you?  
Are you what you would like to be?  
Who would you like to be?  
Playing the soldier was nice, but was only a game…  
The truth is different.  
The reality is much worse.  
_“We are warriors, Reiner.”_  
Two personalities in a unique person.  
After five years you remebered everything: you arrived in that Island for a precise mission.  
When you had twelve years old you couldn’t understand anything.  
Now, at the age of seventeen, you understand only one thing: you are not the guy who all people loved, the ‘big brother’ of all your teammates.  
For them, now you are only a traitors, a liar.  
But… What can they know about it?!  
Who are them to judge you?  
They don’t know what is the situation. They will never understand.  
You were trained for this, nobody has the fault, someone had to do it.  
But you had not succeed in accept your guilt, was he?  
So you decided to built a wall, a mask, he was not the same: you became who the others wanted.  
   
   
**[854 – Four years later]**  
How much do you have to live? Maybe, only two years.  
You don’t even remember it, what would it solve?  
You look at other guys’ training: they will become next Eldian Warrior, one of them will inherit the Armored Titan.  
Almost surely, _just her_.  
You wish that the same your fate not to be reserved to her.  
Your relatives, your mother and her parents are very happy: your family has been blessed with two honorable warriors.  
You are not happy for this but you don’t show it.  
How many things have you lost in this years?  
When you returned in your motherland you knew to leave behind two of your friends.  
One of this two, the most important person for you.  
Your are not sure that he is still alive… You try to not think about it: you will soon return to that Island and you don’t know what you will find.  
Your mother noticed that there is something that upset you.  
How much time has passed since last time you smiled?  
Lying on your old bed, too short for you, you look at the ceiling with absent eyes.  
In your mind you’re remembering all the events of those years, from the beginning to now.  
After had risked losing your life too many times, after had lost everything, you’re wondering yourself when that history will end.  
You fall asleep, trying to find peace at least in dreams.  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm Minochan and I'm Italian. This is my first Fanfiction written in English... My English is not perfect but I will do my best to improve it!  
> I started with the publication of a simple story, based on the introspection of Reiner, one of my favorite Character  
> This is also my first Story on AO3 and I hope that you like it! Thanks to people who will put Kudos and leave a comments!  
> Kisses, minochan  
> P.S. I'm open to every advice that you have for me!  
>  


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